Rules For Getting Back With Your Ex

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Photo: @teamswish/Instagram

Cleveland Cavaliers guard J.R. Smith went through a few relationship status changes over the weekend—he (presumably) dumped Ashley Weatherspoon, his on-off girlfriend of two years, and proposed to Jewel Harris, who is the mother of his daughter. In a video Smith posted to Instagram, the young one in question—Demi—is seen giving him the assist by presenting Harris with the ring and asking, “Will you marry us?” If that reminds you of your own situation more than Dwyane Wade’s, though, stick around. There’s a lot to keep in mind when trying to get back with your ex, and the many pitfalls aren’t all obvious. Here’s how to make the move, provided both parties are ready.

First, the hard part
There’s nothing easy about dumping your current girlfriend in order to get back with a former flame, mostly because it requires a massive dose of honesty. Telling the girlfriend you’re dumping the exact reason for your seemingly sudden change of heart now is considerably better than her finding out the truth later—so save yourself the vengeful ex, okay?

Are you doing it for the right reasons?
Did a spark linger between the two of you when you and your ex first broke up, or was it a loveless, unhappy situation? If you answered the latter, your willingness to get back together may be fueled by the comfort of having a familiar, stable situation—but that doesn’t make it a good idea. If it’s starting to feel a lot like love, however, it’s worth seeing where this admittedly confusing journey takes you.

Make a plan for avoiding the same old problems
If you and your new (old?) girlfriend are committed to moving forward, you’ll have to confront the issues that brought your original relationship to an end. The good news is that it’s a lot easier to be frank about what didn’t work the second time around. If you can identify your issues, you can—and should!—make a plan for mitigating them. Oh, and be prepared to take your share of the blame regardless of if you were the dumper or the dumpee.

It’s a fresh start, so act like it

It’s easy to feel anxious about what the future holds. A relationship that fell apart once can fall apart again, right? That kind of thinking can lead you to sabotaging yourself, so think about it this way: in the time you spent broken up, you and your ex met new people, grew as individuals and learned more about what your goals are in life. If it’s for the right reasons, a relationship based on reconciliation can become stronger than many other types of relationships. So, stop apologizing to the world—and enjoy it.
 
 
Lessons in love
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Posted on Aug 4, 2015

 

Forget ‘bro code’
Don’t let things turn into a soap opera by be sensitive to all parties involved
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Hint: keep things more civil than Gilbert Arenas’ recent split
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Posted on Mar 27, 2015

 

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