The female booty has been ogled over in modern pop culture for as long as we can remember. Countless hip hop songs are dedicated to those apple bottoms and all the marvelous things men love to do to them. But what about the male ba-donkadonk? That's right men, we women know a thing or two about what we like to see when it comes to your rear end, even if we don't rap about it! There's nothing quite like a nice, round bottom on a man to make a women smile... and every girl that saw Justin Timberlake's naked backside in Friends with Benefits
can attest to this sentiment. While not every man is as genetically blessed as JT (sigh), there are ways to enhance what your mama gave you! Never fear, BALLnROLL is here to guide you through the Men's Guide To Jeans for Every Shape and Size....of Butt!
1) The Bubble Butt
So either through genetics or meticulous glute exercises at the gym, you have been blessed with a perky bubble butt. Firm and toned and perfect for grabbing onto during playtime in the bedroom, women love it when there's a curve to your backside! Dressing the bubble butt isn't that hard, seeing as it's an ideal figure to have. A slim fit pair of jeans that casually hug your rear and shapely thighs will do the trick. You don't, however, want to go overboard on any backside details. Fancy pockets, any embellishments or logos over the ass area are a no-no.
It's your bum, not a trophy you're displaying after all. Also steer clear of anything too tight, including skinny jeans. Leave the curve-hugging clothes to us! We want to ogle over a behind in private, not one that's on show for everyone to see.
Pictured: These slim, but not skintight jeans from Urban Outiftters
are perfect for a bubble butt. The soft blue color adds to their subtle elegance!
2) The Pear
You're in shape. Pear's a shape right? Whatever, so you carry a little extra weight on the bottom half of your body compared to the top. No need to cry yourself to sleep. To even out that bottom-heavy figure of yours, we suggest the ever-flattering combo of a higher waistline jean in black and a lighter colored top.
The higher waistline will cover the problem areas of your bulkier butt and waist by keeping everything in, and black is a universally slimming color. By wearing a lighter colored sweater or blazer on top, you've created a balance even the most observant eyes won't see past! Your pear behind will look just great in the jeans and you'll be comfortable enough with your outfit to charm the ladies. It's win-win.
Pictured: These bootcut higher-waisted black Levi's
will conceal all your problem areas and make that fanny look fantastic.
3) The Husky
The husky is what we've dubbed the wide butt. By this we mean your overall build is burlier than most: wide shoulders, wide hips, you get the idea. And your bum follow suits, tending to fall on the wider side. Men who tote around a husky behind should stick to classic cuts instead of trendy pieces. We all know anything wide will not look flattering in those trendy skinny jeans as seen on hipsters.
Straight-leg jeans are best, paired with slim fit tops to emphasize those muscles. The biggest pro of being a husky man? You look rugged without even trying. So classic outfits like v-neck and crew neck sweaters, tailored blazers, straight leg jeans and trousers will make you look clean cut and manly.
Also, we shouldn't even have to mention this, as no one, not even a man with a rear like Michelangelo, should dare wear these, but especially a man with a wide butt should stay away from any pants with horizontal stripes. Stay away from them like you would the Plague.
Pictured: These straight-leg classic cut Levi's
will balance out that wider tush and can be cuffed at the bottom as well.
4) The Flatliner
No matter how many squats and lunges you do, you just can't seem to build any glute muscles in your hopelessly flat behind. It pretty much goes from back to leg for you from the rear. For you, dear flatliner, pockets are your best friend. Jeans with large pockets that curve inward on the back are most flattering. You also want to seek out higher-fitting pants as they make your rear stand out more.
Boot-cut jeans, since they taper in at the knee, also make a flattering silhouette, as do skinny, but not skintight jeans. Choosing a top that ends right at your natural waistline will emphasize a more shapely-than-in-reality bum. You don't want any sweater or shirts that hang past your bum as they'll only emphasize your lack of ass-padding.
Pictured: These skinny Zara jeans
have side detailing that will divert from your rear and big wide pockets on the back to add some visual pushin' to the cushion!
5) The Boo-TAY
You've got a booty that girls in rap videos would envy! It's rare, but there are men out there who have curvalicious butts! We're not just talking the bubble butt..we're talking the bubble butt and then some! While an abundance of jelly might be ideal for lady lumps, chances are you want to tone down your ample assets. The solution here is the same as it would be for ladies who want to slim down their figures: dark colors and higher waistlines.
Men, this is not the place to rock those hanging-halfway-down-your-butt pants. They'll make your look sloppy, larger than you actually are, and really, no one wants to see your boxers.
A higher waistline will ensure you don't get any embarrassing man muffin-top going on. Choose straight-legged pants as to even out your rear end or jeans with cuffs at the bottom which do the same visually. Although we're sure there are women out there who love big booties...and if you love yours, shake what your mama gave you!
Pictured: These dark-rinsed Levi's
are comfy, classic, and have the higher waistline and more relaxed fit to hide that booty of yours!