In Ward’s experience, most couples she counsels are hot and heavy during the first few months of the relationship, known as the honeymoon stage. “That flame extinguishes sooner or later, however, to be replaced by cuddling at the end of an exhausted day, if you’re lucky” she says.
So what can you do to spice up your sex life? Together with Ward, we’ve come up with some key habits to incorporate into your daily routine so you and your partner can start having more sex.
“Stress is a major factor in sexless couples” explains Ward. If your mind is constantly running through deadlines, schedules and to do lists, your libido is going to suffer. Ward suggests getting a daily planner so you can keep a track of what you need to get done and give your mind a rest.
“When you come home at the end of a day, forget about work and all other commitments”, recommends Ward. If you work from home, set a time when you leave your home office and join your significant other for some couple time. Have a bath together with some scented candles to de-stress and get intimate with your partner.
If you’re suffering from low self-esteem, hit the gym. Feeling good about your body will motivate you to show it off to your partner. Exercise releases endorphins, which not only fight stress but also leave you feeling blissful. More importantly, endorphins regulate the production and secretion of sex hormones, which can make or break your sex life.
Learn to give her a good massage
A lot of couples in committed long-term relationships find themselves skipping foreplay altogether because they don’t have the time or the energy.
“Often times, foreplay is what makes us crave sex and those couples that skim over this important part find themselves simply going through the motions in a mechanical sort of way” says Ward. But foreplay doesn’t always have to be sexual, she suggests. Surprise your lover with a sexy oil massage in a dimly lit room with scented candles. Using your hands to feel her body will turn you on, relax her and also motivate her to reciprocate. The bonus? You’ve already set the mood! If you don’t know how to give a massage, google some instructional videos.
Buy her something sexy
Next time you find yourself at the mall hit up a lingerie store and pick out something sexy for your woman. If she’s feeling confident and attractive, she’ll look forward to modeling her new gift for you.
“The key here,” Ward says, “is to buy her something she’ll like, not something you want.” Get it gift wrapped and leave it on her pillow with a sexy note. Not only will she appreciate you went out of your way to buy her a gift, but she’ll be flattered you got her something she would like. You can also go shopping together and get to know each other’s likes and dislikes. Guaranteed, by the time she gets home she’ll be rushing to get into that teddy.
Get rid of the kids
No, seriously. If kids are part of the equation they can put a big damper on your sex life.
“It’s very common for parents to give up their sex life in favor of spending time with and taking care of their children” says Ward. Find an overnight babysitter and skip parenting for one night every couple of weeks. Go out for an intimate dinner and book a room in a fancy hotel. Alone time is one thing but uninterrupted alone time is a whole other ballgame. “When you don’t have to worry about a crying baby or getting up in the morning to cook breakfast, it’s easier to de-stress and get intimate.”
Eat something sexy
If you’re too bogged down with life to get in the mood, a natural aphrodisiac might do the trick. Pomegranate for instance, which is known to treat depression, is also recognized as a great sex booster. Its luscious red seeds act as an aphrodisiac. If you’re having a hard time finding the fruit out of season, you can also drink pomegranate juice and expect the same result.
Avocados are another fruit that pack a sex punch of nutrients from magnesium and beta carotene to vitamin E, which many refer to as the sex vitamin.
Finally and perhaps most well known for its ability to stimulate sexual desire is caviar. Paired with oysters—another natural aphrodisiac—they make for a fabulous pre-sex appetizer. While caviar is said to enhance physical power and promote sexual thirst, oysters are potent in the mineral zinc, a deficiency in which can cause impotence in men and affect the libido in women.