1) Atrocious Attire
Guys, just try and look normal. This doesn’t mean you can’t look trendy or nice — we welcome trendy and nice! It just means don’t go overboard; this includes anything shiny, too low, bedazzled, too tight and anything, I repeat ANYTHING from Ed Hardy.
I mean, we get that you want to show off those muscles in something fitted, but there’s no need to get all plastic wrap tight. And if your muscles are the best part of you, then we’ve got other problems! Stick to classics like skinny suits, tees, trousers, blazers and nice shoes. After all, would you want to take home some chick wearing a faux tattoo-covered second-skin like outfit that was bedazzled? We didn’t think so. Let your personality and well-dressed ensemble do the talking, as opposed to your jazzed up and bejeweled muscles.
2) The Un-Follow Up
So you and your buddies have decided to ball out and get a booth at the club. The only problem? It’s a sausage fest and 6 dudes standing around a booth only looks like one thing: lame. So you approach some attractive ladies who are nice enough to join your booth (or at least want to get free drinks) and things just dwindle from there.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen this happen. Men, when inviting ladies into your booth, it’s not the end of the line when they’re physically standing there. You’ve got to engage them or they’ll just wander off to more interesting pastures. Offer them a drink (no self-respecting girl is going to help herself to a bottle of people she’s just met), introduce them to all your buds and try, drunk as you may be, to chat with them! After all, they’re not just pretty things who are there to decorate your booth. If any of you has a chance of scoring, it’s going to be through actual conversations. Invite, drink, chat. Write it on your hand if necessary.
3) The Dance Up
Remember in high school when all you had to do to get close to a girl on the dance floor was shimmy up behind her and soon enough you would be grinding? Well, what was cute in high school is outright creepy as an adult. Unless you know the girl or are being funny, the sneak attack grind move is bound to get cranberry juice all over your face. It’s offensive (no girl likes a stranger’s pelvis coming at her, from any direction really) and it’s presumptuous. Especially if you haven’t even spoken to the girl. What boggles my mind is what guys expect to get out of this: so you grind up behind some chick you think is hot and then what…make out and take her home? Weird and gross. Let’s do a little recap here, men: introductions, chatting, then dancing. Perhaps even grinding. But anyone who introduces themselves hips first gets a slap second.
4) Super Serious
The one thing that you don’t want to be at a club is a creeper. It’s the kiss of death to your game if a women calls you one. Word spreads fast.. all it takes is one girl going, “That dude over there is such a creeper!” for you to be ostracized as that creeper for the entire night to her, her friends, and any girl they come into contact with. In saying this, there are a few things that girls red flag on men as creepers. You could be wearing a trench coat. You could be running your fingers along your unusually long mustache.
All kidding aside, any guy that comes off as too serious is deemed creeper central. Why so serious buddy? The no laughing, serious stares from across the room and non-smiling interactions scream serial killer, not smoldering. It’s a club after all! Loosen up, have a little fun and don’t be afraid to be dorky. The Big Bang Theory is so popular for a reason; cute dorks for the win!
5) The Touchy-Feely
When you’re first meeting a girl and flirting, keep the touching to a minimum. There is nothing more irksome to a woman at a club than being pawed to death by Mr. Grabby-hands. It comes off as sloppy, amateur and just plain annoying. Subtle touches to the arm when chatting with her are fine, as is a guiding hand should you both be making your way through the crowd. A heavy arm around her shoulder, any leg groping and, lest we forget, any sort of ass action is sure to end your pursuit right then and there. If you already have a rapport with this girl, then that’s a whole other situation, but first time meeting need not include your hands anywhere near her bottom half. The year of the Jersey Shore men is over. Let’s usher in the year of the gentlemen. I know I speak for most women out there when I say, bring it on!