I know what you`re thinking: whoops, did you just travel back in time to the 1950s? Nope, that’s just the media’s take on grooms.
More on point is Stylishly Ever After‘s Joyce Scardina Becker: “There were 2 basic premises in [the media], which I totally disagree with: 1.) having the groom involved with wedding planning is a brand new phenomenon; and 2.) when grooms do get involved, they often behave like ‘Groomzillas.’”
Don’t let the culture’s conception of grooms as slothful meatheads stop you from getting your hands dirty in planning your wedding. It’s your event and it’s your fiancee’s event. Own it.
If you read too many wedding blogs, you might start doubting your own opinion. A lot of them talk as if weddings are these alien things that the masculine mind could never understand. Dude, weddings are, at their heart, an event. You’re basically just planning an event, a big party where you just happen to get married to the person you love.
Sure, they`re still big events, and there’re about a thousand details to take care of in planning the big day. Splitting it evenly between the two of you is just about the only way to make the planning manageable. You have to worry about place cards, the cake, the location, transportation, photographs, drinks, food, the reception, clothing, invitations, music and about a thousand other things. But there’s no reason why you can’t get creative about it.
LET’S BE HONEST FOR A SECOND
When it comes down to it, a wedding is half about the family. I’ve met a lot of couples who have looked at the expense of a wedding in disgust and don’t understand why they can’t just have a small ceremony at city hall and put the money towards a house or something.
But you know why you can’t do that? Because your parents and your grandparents have been waiting for this for a long time. They want to see the two of you get married, and they want to see the wedding they’ve pictured in their heads all these years. So make it special for them.
But it`s your guys’ special day too. There are a few ways you can design your wedding to reflect your mutual sensibilities, interests, and hobbies. Here are a few choice ways you can leave an indelible mark on your wedding.
DESIGNER PLACE CARDS AND INVITATIONS
There’s an art to planning weddings, which is why the wedding planning industry is a booming one. Weddings are essentially an event like any other, complete with invitations, place cards and a dozen other pieces of paper. And as with any event, design plays a huge role. If you’re not a master at Photoshop and InDesign, get someone who knows what they’re doing to design the place cards in an idiosyncratic, exciting way. Think about your interests and the interests of your fiancee. Think about the theme of your wedding. What`s a nifty way to incorporate it into your place cards and invitations?
Above: Antique forks hold paper place cards at a vintage themed wedding.
Below: An invitation in the style of a retro concert poster.
Thank God for groom cakes. Weddings are steeped in tradition, and depending on your culture, you might not have a lot of leeway in terms of creatively changing things around. As I said before, weddings are just as much for your family as they are for you, and the grandparents might not get as teary eyed at your plans for a Star Wars wedding.
And if that’s the case, that’s still okay. While your family might want to see the traditional white, multi-tiered wedding cake they’ve pictured in their dreams, the groom cake lets you and your fiancee give it your own touch.
Above: A Bulls themed groom cake.
DESTINATION AND LOCATION
It’s time to close your eyes. Where do you picture your wedding? A church or synagogue? Outdoors? A beach? A hotel? Outside in the gardens of the Museum Of Civilization? Picture it soon, and book it well in advance. Outdoor weddings are always a gamble with the weather, so prepare accordingly. And once you have the location in mind, take a step back, and think of the colour scheme of the place. Are you getting married in an orchard?
A designer-y idea is using the colours of your environment to coordinate with the colour of your decorations, your invitations and your wedding clothes.
General western tradition dictates that the bride wears white and the groom wears black. And if that’s what your fiancee and the greater family has pictured for ages, then maybe that’s what you should give them. But let’s say you have a bit of leeway in what your wedding looks like. A matching tux and bridal gown could really sell the show.
Themed colours are a lot of work—you’re essentially also choosing the colour of the flowers, the theme of the favours, the lights, the clothes of your guests, everything. Work closely with your fiancee, and with someone who understand colours and contrast and get a wedding that looks extraordinary.
Now that you have the design elements and some inkling of what the wedding will look like, you’ll have a starting point for getting the music together, the food, the party favours, everything else.
Try not to worry about it too much. It’s a day about two people declaring their love for each other, and it’s not something to stress out about.
And with both of you working together, it’s going to go well.