Being single and having a successful healthy dating life is always difficult. We all struggle with the ability to know what works and what doesn’t. There are so many questions and fine lines that dating comes with. There is the fine line between showing someone you’re interested and not coming across as obsessive or needy. In the dating world we tend to worry about being judged, “what will the other person think of me, if I wear this, say that or act like this” So as humans we do what we do best …over analyze and question everything. “Should I call, maybe I should text… but it’s only been a day. When should I have sex? On the second or third date… maybe I should wait a month.” It’s hard to know what works and what doesn’t. Every person is completely different and likes different things. Some people like to be chased and some don’t. However one thing is certain, every person has his or her top dos and don’ts that can make or break it.
Here are some rules that I feel have helped me with dating and relationships … and now I gladly pass them on to you!
#1 Love yourself! Confidence is everything. If you don’t love who you are then you under value yourself and that means you will let that guy or girl walk all over you. If that’s something that you need to work on before getting out there, then get started now. It’s very important to know how much you’re worth! Some things that have helped me learn to love myself are working out, believing in my skills and talents, seeing my faults and accepting them as a work in progress.
#2 Relax and have fun! The worst date can end up being the best date… or at least a great story to share with your friends. Don’t take things personally…if he or she doesn’t call you back… or makes a weird comment on your date, it’s not a big deal! I had a guy once spend half the date explaining to me how he would love to straighten my hair…I laughed and never called him back.
#3 What are your five don’ts? We all have things we don’t like about a person’s personality or mannerisms. But you should know what your dos and don’ts are. Maybe you hate lateness, or your partner needs to be part of a specific religion or political party. Whatever the situation is, know what you’re willing to deal with and what you’re not. This will make it easier for you to break it off instead of analyzing the situation over and over again. “She would be perfect if she just changed that one thing” People change very rarely. So if you can’t love him/her with their faults, then maybe that person is not for you.
My five must’s are:
1. Must be respectful
2. Must be able to stimulate me (physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually)
3. MUST be able to make me laugh
4. Must be adventures
5. Must be driven
#4 Don’t be blind! There are many ways we can be blinded while dating or while in a relationship. Firstly if you’re dating a person and you haven’t had “the talk” then he or she is probably dating someone else or not ready to commit. So I suggest you continue dating till things are certain between the both of you. We all read into things that might not mean anything at all. “I know it’s serious because he held my hand for 7 seconds and then brushed my hair out of my face….” THAT DOES’NT MEAN ANYTHING… other than the fact that he held your hand for 7 seconds and brushed your hair from your face. So instead of sitting at home and waiting for him or her to call you get out there and keep dating around.
#5 Don’t fall into comfort! So many people meet that guy or girl and have fireworks for the first year… but after that they fall into a routine, staying with the other person because of comfort. At the end of the day if you’re not having fun and enjoying yourself with this person then don’t be with them. You live one life …or so we know! So don’t stay in the relationship with the fear of being alone….you’ll be fine.
#6 Don’t give up so easily! Relationships are a lot of hard work, and it just gets harder when you add marriage, children and bills into the mix. So brace yourself because every day will not be sunshine and rainbows. But do make sure that your relationship is having more sunny days than cloudy ones.
#7 The little things count. We all like grand gestures. However sometimes the little things are what we should be paying attention to. How he/she interacts with friends/family. How he/she treats you when you’re under stress, sick or upset. These are the moments that say a lot about a person…For me at least.
#8 Be yourself! Too many people act one way for a couple months or even years… and only later on show their true colors. Fakeness will only get you so far. Don’t be scared to show your true self. Worst case, the guy or girl doesn’t like you… and if that’s the situation then you were probably not meant to live happily ever after with this person. And it’s way better to know that now rather than later.
#9 Get out there! There are so many places to meet guys and girls; coffee shops, bars, lounges, bookstore and even online. Do not be scared to start a conversation with a random person, or to message someone you like on FB/dating site. We are so scared of rejection, but there is no reason to be. Yes, you probably will get a few people that are standoffish initially, but you will be surprised how many people are willing to converse than you think. Plus, you never know if you don’t try.
#10 FORGET EVERYTHING I JUST SAID! In the end rules are meant to be broken… Be flexible and figure out things for yourself. Your experience will be whatever you make it to be… so start getting out there…meet some new interesting people…and you never know maybe I’ll even see you around 😉