One of our friends (who shall remain anonymous) recently asked us,
This girl I used to run around with has been texting, and calling lately. We’ve even been going out to coffee and getting lunch now and again. I know she’s not seeing anybody either… what should I do? I still really like this girl!
With his permission, we decided to ask one of our staff writers, Sandra, what a woman’s take on the issue is. Here’s what she said:
Breaking up is never an easy thing to do. After being single for a bit, you may have begun to think about your ex – and maybe thinking if splitting was the right decision. It’s even worse if she re-enters your frame of mind, or if you’re in close contact, like it sounds like you are. You may have decided to give it another go, but before you do you should be asking yourself why you want to get back together. There are certain things you need to consider before trying to reconnect with an ex.
Problems That Were Never Solved
Break-ups occur because the relationship is broken. Trying to fix something broken is never easy. All relationships stumble upon problems and if you think otherwise, well then you live in a fairytale. The thing with problems is that if you ignore them, they won’t go away. They build upon each other until you reach the breaking point (no pun intended). So, if you’re going to try and get back together, you need to figure out what caused the problems in the first place. You need to work through them and talk about them in order to be on equal ground. If you can’t solve them or learn to work past them the first time, then maybe it’s not meant to happen.
Being Too Comfortable
Often, some people go back with their exes because it’s familiar. You’re comfortable with that other person because you know them and they know you. It’s easy to go back to what we know, but sometimes the familiar route isn’t always the best one. It’s hard meeting new people but getting out of your comfort zone can be an amazing experience.
Why not travel, go out and meet new people, or try things you’ve been meaning to do but never got around to? Plus, if you’re scared of getting out of your comfort zone, how is that going to change the issues you had with your ex?
One Isn’t the Loneliest Number
If not wanting to be alone is the reason you’re going back, well that’s not good enough. You miss your old significant other, but what is it that you really miss about the other person? Is there a genuine reason why you miss them and why you want them back? If not, then this is definitely not a valid reason. Oftentimes decisions made on a lonely state of mind are the result of reminiscing about the past. You need to find a way to fill that lonely void and to forget about the past. It’s behind you for a reason.
Hindsight is 20/20
When we reminisce we tend to think about the good ol’times without much reflection on the not-so-good stuff. You may think that you’re relationship was better than it really was. This is not to say that it was a total disaster, but we often don’t like to think about the bad or the hard times. Take a step back and reflect on everything and if the bad outweighs the good then you need to be realistic about whether you really want to get back together.
Unfortunately, there is no guide book or rule to help you decide whether you should get back together with your ex. Every person will have a unique situation and it’s up to you to determine whether or not you should be getting back together with your ex.
If your reasons aren’t good enough, then it’s time to say goodbye for good.