One Night Stand Etiquette


So, you got lucky.  That girl that you were eyeing up at the bar—looks like she was eyeing you back. Now, you’re on a fast cab ride back to her (or your) place, and we’re all pretty sure we know how this is going to end. However, there’s nothing in that Miss Manners guide to help you, and we’re damn sure our parents didn’t teach us a single thing about what the etiquette is for situations like this. Like a helpful wingman, we’re here to go over just what you can, and can’t, do when you find yourself in one of trickeiest social situations—the one night stand.


Her Place or Yours
When you’re at her’s, show polite interest as long as it’s appropriate. If she seems nervous, small talk might put her at ease. It might not. Use your eyes and ears to know how you’re doing. Don’t be rude about whatever paintings she might have, or whatever CDs she might own. We’re way past being judgemental.

Just the same, if she comes back to yours, put her at ease. Ask if she wants a drink, a quick bite. Don’t just assume you’re heading for the bedroom. She might be just as ambiguous as you are—so saying something as simple as, “Yeah, take a seat wherever you like.” can help clear the air a whole lot.

From there, you should know what to do. And if you don’t—well, there’s no guide on the internet that can help you with that.

Thanks, Now Get Out
There’s the possibility she’s going to want you to give her some space after. Well, that’s putting it nicely. More bluntly, she wants you to get the hell out. That’s fine. Just do two things: Call for a cab, then ask if you can use the bathroom first. You don’t know how long before you’re gonna be able to get home to your bathroom, which is something that just gets criminally overlooked. Add that to the fact you don’t know how long you might be waiting outside a walk-up in Brooklyn waiting for a cab that might never come, and this’ll look like an even better decision.

As for you, if you need her out of your place stat, just be straight with her. You have work in the morning. Your roommate is weird about this kind of thing. You sleep better alone. Whatever. Just remember, she has a right to say no, as well, because we know it’s way more dangerous for a woman to be walking around alone at night looking for a cab than it is for a man. So remember, she may end up staying whether you want it or not. Just be a gentleman about it.

Don’t leave money. We can’t believe we have to say this, but we know girls we’ve told us that they’ve been left money like they were paid for it or something. She doesn’t need that noise. If you insist on being like that, you can pay for the cab, but damn man, you should know this already.

The Morning After
Now this is an important bit. We need you to repeat after us. This never happened.

You might want to brag about it, but some women’s reputations can’t handle the hit. That’s just how society works. Men get high fives, and women get nasty looks. So remember, this never happened. If you run into each other on the street, a hello works, and if anyone asks, she’s a friend of a friend. But unless she mentions it first—this never happened. Real men don’t kiss and tell.


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