The 2013 Movember Fantasy Draft


What is Movember?

Movember is a men’s movement that recognizes, supports and spreads awareness about men’s health issues, including prostate and testicular cancers, mental health and more. Started in 2003 in Australia, the movement now has a worldwide following. Just last year, it was successful in raising almost $150 million for the causes it supports. The twist is that, to raise awareness and donations, men are asked to bring back the moustache for the whole month of November, which starts tomorrow. There are lots of ways to get involved, but the best is getting friends on board.


Starting a team
Movember is a tough game, and the players are even tougher. But if you face the odds with your friends, it gets a whole lot easier (despite how your girlfriends may feel about the soup strainers you’re all trying to grow) to raise some serious paper for a great cause. You can start a team on Movember’s website, or just join an existing one. The process is similar to creating a social media page for your team, and it helps if you have photos to post, because this is how your team will appear to the outside world. Each member is allowed to post updates to the wall to show off his bristly progress.

The goal of Movember, of course, is raising donations and awareness through your facial hair growth. You can send web links to potential donors from team and individual pages. This is where it gets fun. If you want to compete for the most donations on Movember’s leaderboards, we suggest you link up with others; all donations made to you by your friends and family will count toward your team’s total, but they can also be given to your team as a generic whole if you’re the competitive types. You can easily see who’s the MVP on your team on the team page’s internal leaderboard.

But where do you find like-minded moustachioed fundraisers? Look to your friends and campus clubs, first and foremost, but another great place to find team members is among your coworkers. If you get the office in on it, not only will you have motivation throughout the day, but your boss might be more supportive of the office’s new look (sometimes that’s an issue for client-facing companies).

If you can’t find too many guys to join your cause, you can also invite your lady friends to help the cause as Mo Sistas. They can still join your team, however, they will be exempt from growing moustaches. Having some women in your corner is always a plus.

The ‘staches

Even with the right team, there’s no competing in the upcoming season if you don’t go in with a solid game plan, and when you’re looking for the perfect power forward for your face, there are several styles to choose from. Pick the talent that best compliments your team’s style of play (courtesy of Movember’s own style guide, and we’ll see you on the court with a fully-furnished upper lip.


The Trucker
Extremely solid for a young big ‘stache, the Trucker is the result of natural skill improvements in facial hair growth over last year’s related style, the Fu Manchu. Now it’s grown up, partly thanks to some quality experience in the European leagues (they call ‘em L’Handlebars over there). Overall, a top 10 fantasy pick for its ample facial coverage as long as its size and athleticism are properly leveraged.



The Wisp

With a great low profile that gives it admirable speed, the Wisp is still a versatile all-arounder and notably picks up few, if any, food particles over the course of a chicken wing eating contest. However, this results in a perimeter game that is far from perfect, as its low coverage numbers can’t hold a candle to that of defensive ace, the Boxcar, in its prime.


The Boxcar

Only time will tell if it recovers from what was expected to be career-ending trauma from being shaved down to its current form from a full beard, but we’ve only heard positive news from the top brass. Now at its bushiest, the Boxcar is still the brick wall we remember when it comes to game time—but definitely not when it comes to the ladies.


The Rocker

The numbers don’t lie: this moustache is one of the best—if not the best—performers in the league. However, it is reserved only for those who don’t mind the limelight (and perhaps, actively seek it), as its massive ego can weigh just as heavily on team cohesion as it does on your upper lip. If you can get past that, it’s got a great shot at taking a third straight Man of Movember award.


The Connoisseur
An approachable starter for the season opener being played on November 1st, the Connoisseur enjoys the low profile of the Wisp, but with additional vertical reach that can be put to use where it counts. Unfortunately, it may push your team’s salary cap due to its necessary and expensive upkeep (signing options stipulate Pinaud-Clubman moustache wax or better).



The Abracadabra
Back from a year in free agency, the Abracadabra’s illusionary nature makes it a talented screen for the toughest of plays. The opposition may try to lock it down due to its reputation for speed, but with a knack for escaping tight situations and setting up fast breaks, it’s a game winner when the clock’s ticking down.



The Undercover Brother
Thanks to an almost unmatched lack of reported injuries, the Undercover Brother is an extremely low-maintenance pick that can handle itself playing inside the paint, despite its slightly wild nature. During most games, its great wingspan and strength will keep it playing above the rim, which is incidentally also where it will trap the suds of your beer.



The Regent

Fresh off a trade from an aristocrat’s face is the Regent, which packs a lot of strength into a stout, narrow package. Thanks to the new SportVU system, we also now know that it’s a monster at creating space. Under the hoop, it gives a new definition to “clean sweep.”


The After Eight
This one’s known for being stylish off and on the court. Its play is so-so, but its unparalleled tactics are some of the best we’ve seen, pulling pick-n-rolls off as easily as smooth, smooth moustache rides. The executive grooming of its bristles leads us to believe that this will be one of the rare few to manage its own team in the future.


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