Moving Past A Divorce

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In the NBA, the things that make the splashiest headlines are upsets, injuries and divorces—not a lot of good news. Divorces are especially painful for players whose lives are constantly the target of gossip, like Lamar Odom, who recently agreed to recognize Khloe Kardashians petition for a split. That’s not to say it gets any easier for the average guy who’s facing the uncertainty after the end of a long-term relationship. Here’s how you can start picking up the pieces and become a better man after a divorce.
 
 

Forgive her
This doesn’t mean she’s the only one to blame, but regardless you’ve probably made her the bad guy in this. It’s easy to make this a personal grudge, but not letting go of that only serves to create more anger (hint: that’s not a particularly useful emotion if you want to move on). In many cases, this will feel unfair to your furious self, but you have to stop thinking in terms of who did what. Stop wasting emotion and let yourself get on with it.

Admit your own past mistakes… and repair
If you thought that you can just pin the blame on your former flame, think again. You contributed your lot to the divorce, no matter what your clouded judgement may fool you into thinking. Odom, for example, was certainly plagued by demons of his own, including alleged substance abuse and infidelity. Your mistakes may not be as egregious as his, but take a moment to think back and learn from your errors so you can become a better man when you’re ready to jump back into the dating pool. Odom did this, and claims to have started working on his past personal problems so he doesn’t repeat his follies. You should, too.

Know that you’ll both move on
It’s hard to picture yourself (or her) with someone new, but it’s necessary to actually admit that when you’re coming to terms with a long relationship coming to an end. That doesn’t mean it won’t hurt (we can bet Odom has a few words about his ex getting cozy with rappers French Montana and The Game—all in spite of his own alleged infidelity). However, it’s a start to making sure you’re not fooling yourself into continued resentment, or potential false hope about getting back together.

Refocus on your future
Now that you have one less terrible relationship in your life, you have a chance to move forward with renewed focus, whether in your career or personal evolution. Having taken the time to go through everything that he needed to, Odom is clearly taking the bull by the horns again. Being re-signed to the Knicks for a two-year contract starting next season is him putting everything right in his own universe, even if the second year is non-guaranteed. Likewise, you now have a chance to fix up everything that you’ve allowed to flounder, now’s finally your chance. Divorce is the end of only one part of your life, so live on.

Start seeing people—if that’s what you want to do
You’ve done your soul-searching. You’ve improved yourself. You got your career back on track. Now what? If you decide that you’d like to start looking again, go for it. The one thing you want to avoid is jumping right back into a relationship, especially if you try to rebuild what you had previously—that’s what we call a rebound. This creates a potentially toxic relationship where you’re unlikely to find happiness.

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