The Extrovert’s Guide To Dating An Introvert


There’s something alluring about the mousey Zooey Deschanel type. Maybe it’s her propensity to keep to herself that gives her an air of mystery, or those long, deep conversations that you share that get her stuck in your head. However, it’s this same love of being alone that may make dating her prove a little more complicated, especially if you’re more the outgoing type. If you want to make things work between you two, here are five ways you can resolve the differences between your personality types and create a level of mutual understanding.


Photo: Mateus Lunardi Dutra/Flickr/Creative Commons

You might have to take the first step
When it comes to flirting, conversations, or sexier things that may happen down the line, you might find yourself having to kick things off yourself. That’s okay. After the ice is broken, even introverts get in the swing of things and are quick to respond to friendly banter or whatever the situation calls for. If you find yourself leading a one-sided conversation fairly often, take stock that your personality type tends to blather on while hers saves her words for things that are important.

She’ll want time alone
Let’s get this one out of the way. Introverts aren’t exactly shy of company, they just prefer environments that aren’t overly stimulating, having meaningful conversations with one person and being alone with their thoughts. That said, she’ll likely want time alone, either by herself or with you. You’ll have to respect that. Similarly, if you’re craving a night out in your element and she doesn’t want to participate, she may give you a green light to go out on your own. No, this isn’t a guilt trap—she enjoys being in her own domain for an evening just as much as you do.

You’ll have to listen extra hard
While you have no hard time expressing your desires through words and actions, she might. However, this doesn’t mean she doesn’t have any. In fact, introverts are often more self-aware and self-actuated than people with other personality types, including when it comes to sex. Rather than making assumptions for her or (worse) taking the reins of the relationship yourself, you’ll have to listen up and be attentive. She likely will express her emotions through subtle social cues. However, you can also help her vocalize what she wants with patience and a few questions—just not the badgering kind. Over time, you’ll be able to build an understanding of these unspoken hints.

Remember, she likes you
Introverts are less likely to be enthusiastic about public displays of affection and may have a harder time expressing affection for their partners. Don’t confuse this for her “just not being into you.” If she’s an introvert, she may in fact like you—a lot. While extroverts disperse their energy towards multiple people, introverts often focus much of their affection on just one person. They’re also more attracted to extroverts, who can balance out their personalities. Opposites attract, and that means you, you lucky lug.

Don’t try to ‘fix’ her
No matter how hard you try, an introvert is an introvert. You won’t get far trying to socialize her by dragging her out to loud parties or to other environments that she’ll inevitably find uncomfortable. For one, it’s selfish, and it’s certainly not your place. Ultimately, she may push back and start resenting your rowdy attitude. If her quiet-loving ways are too lowkey for your outgoing personality, you might want to look elsewhere, for both your sakes.


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