Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber. John Mayer and Katy Perry. Ross and Rachel. These are just a few examples of famous off-again on-again relationships that we’ve witnessed in the tabloids and on TV with their back-and-forth drama and “will they or won’t they?” shenanigans. But they’re not alone. In fact, more than 60 per cent of adults have experienced the off-again on-again relationship do-si-do, making it one of the most common dating hurdles out there. And don’t be fooled: despite what pop culture tells us, star-crossed lovers wreak major havoc on our emotional health. (Yep, Penny and Leonard from “The Big Bang Theory” are actually hella toxic.)

So, why do we do it? Why do we bother inflicting this trauma (and drama) upon ourselves? Most often it’s because we don’t know how to quit the other person. We’re given so many conflicting green lights and red flags that we just don’t know when it’s time to get out of this particular relationship bear trap. But fear no more: here are some classic signs to help you out of your relationship roundabout.

You feel insecure all the time
Are you in a constant state of anxiety over the state of your relationship? Yeah, that’s a big, bad sign. If you are in constant fear of breaking up over the slightest argument or feel that you can’t trust your girlfriend with your heart for the long haul, then it’s time to pull the chute. If your gut is telling you that something’s off about your relationship, then something probably is.

You expect her to change
Each time she hurts your feelings or misuses your trust, you’re still waiting for the day that she’ll wake up and be the person who you’ve always wanted her to be. Well, here’s the thing: people do change, but only when they want to change. People don’t change just because you want them to change—capiche? If you keep waiting for her to be someone she’s not—or someone she doesn’t even want to be—you’ll be waiting forever. Best to move on.

Your friends and family want you to break up
Most of the time our loved ones want us to be happy and settle down with the right person. So, if your buddies have been telling you that your girlfriend isn’t right for you or if your mom constantly wonders why on earth you’re still together, you might want to heed their advice. No doubt their comments make you defensive, but their concern is usually coming from a genuine place. Assuming an outsider’s perspective could be the kick in the pants you need.

You keep breaking up for the same reasons
If you find your breakups are reminiscent of Groundhog Day—meaning you keep having the same fight over and over again—then it’s probably time to say your final good-byes. The problem behind your breakups might not be that your girlfriend doesn’t want to change, but that she can’t change. You’re stuck with this version of her (which, by the way, is the real her), so why keep torturing yourself?

You forgive her out of fear (and comfort)

 

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